In a Hand Basket
by xoxSoulsxox
Summary: Grins. From both of us...Tala will always be on my mind. Always. And never. [Oneshot! TalaxRay brotherly friendship fic]


In a Hand Basket

--

Kai'll know how much I love him. Like a brother, that's what he is to me. Outsides don't matter, we have some sort of strange bond/link/soul connection thing or whatever you'd like to call it. I don't know how to describe it; we're just closer than two peas in a pod.

He has to go to Russia. It was the most interesting conversation I ever had with anyone. I even thought of really placing it up there, ya know. Kind of godly conversation you'd have with...well, like God.

He's eating a candy bar, he always was a chocolate fiend. I have a peanut butter granola bar.  
Crack. Crack. Crack. It wasn't me, it was him. I would've leaped outta the chair and slap him across the face. Annoying unneeded sounds really set me off, but I'm not one to leap so I didn't.

"Do you think I'll go to heaven, Tala?"  
"..." He smiled. "Why ask something like that?"  
"I figure you're religious, so you'd prolly know."  
"Well, if you're sorry for the wrong you've done in life then I suppose you could."  
"'Suppose'. How reassuring."  
"Hey, you asked. What made you ask that kinda thing anyhow?"  
"Guess, I just, you know, I don't wanna be alone when I die...or something."  
"You saying you think I'm going to heaven?"  
"Sort of, yeah. I won't be all cheezy and call you an angel though."  
"...Besides, who says we're dying?"  
"Fate."  
"Pfft. Bull crap! I'm pretty sure it won't be any time so-"  
"Right, God doesn't say anything 'bout fate now does he? He's all up on Divine Judgment and all that unreliable jazz."

"So..._are_ you sorry?"  
"I regret nothing."  
And this whole time we speak,they aren't our words, merely a reference. I've never been one with words so I steal other's. Tala's cunning enough to get these references, and knowledgeable enough to answer them using that same reference's words. I wasn't literally asking him if he'd think I'll go to heaven, just something to end that horrible silence that had been going on for nearly ten minutes.

I wonder what conversations we've had where we actually speak what originally came out of our hearts and minds?

Crack.  
Crack.  
Crack.

"..You hate me don't chya?"  
"Nn. Do you hate me?"  
"I asked first."  
"It's a simple yes or no, just answer."  
"Let's see...Do I hate the person that ruined my life?"  
"Angst. You're just all angst and no common sense now. Did I really ruin your life?"  
"Not _yet_. You will though. It's that darn fate out to get us."  
He ignored me. "I don't want to repeat myself."  
"Nah, I don't hate you...Do you despise me?"  
"Well, you don't suck...Much."

Grins. From both of us. Then more cracks of a candy bar. The cracks that come from me cease, seeing as I finished my granola bar.

"If I told you not to go, would you stay? Just curious."  
"Don't go all sappy dramatic soap opera on me now."  
"..." I sighed.  
He didn't say anything.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

"Why the hell are you so fucking annoying, Tala?! Why?" It wasn't really a question I wanted an answer to, I just said it.

He just kept at that damn cracking. I grabbed his wrists and stole the candy out of his hand and in less than 1 second it had collided with the wall and slipped down to the floor.

"Why'd you do this to me, huh? To us. I mean, shits and giggles aside, we weren't just another friendship charms type of relationship! You're like my brother...You _are_ my brother. It'd hurt too much to have you leave and never come back...I-I hate you!"  
He just replies with, "I know."

I sneered. But not that ugly kind of sneer, more like the result of me trying to stop my mouth muscles from forming a smirk or even a smile, just so I wouldn't have to admit defeat. So that I wouldn't have to show I can never be mad at him.

"_'I know'_?! I KNOW?! What is that?! Don't you have anything more to say?!" I spilt my heart onto him. Not everything I ever wanted to say, but still, a lot.

"Going to hell in a hand basket," he murmured.  
"Huh?"  
"That's what they say about people like us."  
"..Same basket?"  
"Sure, why not?"

Then there was more silence, but this time it was that good kind of serene silence like when there's no more to say or do. We just laid down, staring at the ceiling.

He's going to Russia in what? Less than two days?

Even when he does...he'll always be my friend. No, not friends...Brothers? Not biologically speaking. More like allies? Sure, that then. Everyone's always weirded out by the fact that we have this mutual understanding. Like when we have the same thoughts at the same time, as if we have powers.

Our relationship, it's weird. We both know we care about each other and every once in awhile we actually manage to display that. We hardly ever exchange any verbal things of the matter though. We don't need to. Kind of platonic I guess.

I met him last year. We became so close so quickly. It's like, he'd always say he'd leave that school we went to. I mean, he never had any evidence but he seemed so serious. I stood by him, waiting and waiting like some loyal dog and he'd come back.

I knew that in the back of both our minds we wanted more. Even when he'd get so mad he'd hit me, even when I actually started fighting back. We both knew we were closer than anyone we could suggest as our sort of "are they in a closer relationship than we are" rivals.

There was just one problem.

I was a boy.

Not saying I would or wouldn't fall in love with another boy. It just seems so...no for me. No matter how hard I try it just doesn't come natural to me. And I knew he would NEVER be that way, especially with the way he grew up.

I wish I were a girl.

Not that it matters anymore anyway, he said he's leaving, and he has the evidence this time. When I heard I nearly shit myself. This leaving thing...it's gonna kill me. I feel it eating away at my thoughts and my heart like really disgusting, squirming, oozing little maggots at this moment.

_"Feelings of bitterness shifted from a state of being to a mere aftertaste and, eventually, a shadow that I rarely noticed and usually didn't recognize."_

What does that phrase mean anyway? I'm not so sure. I always thought it meant something similar to going to hell. But more like everything that's gonna happen after Tala leaves is just...disaster.

Tala will always be on my mind.  
Always. And never.

...I seriously am going to hell in a hand basket, but I'm pretty sure I'll be all alone.


End file.
